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What are the seven steps in the forgiveness-of-injuries conversation as outlined in Gottman Couple Therapy?

The seven steps in the forgiveness-of-injuries conversation as outlined in Gottman Couple Therapy are: 1) outline the injury, 2) voice the hurt, 3) acknowledge pain and explain actions, 4) state ongoing pain and fears, 5) express shame and remorse, 6) ask for attachment needs to be met, and 7) respond to those needs to create a safe haven.

Key points

  • Step 1: Outline the injury and articulate its traumatic nature.
  • Step 2: The injured partner voices their hurt and its significance.
  • Step 3: The injuring partner acknowledges their pain and explains their actions.
  • Step 4: The injured partner states their ongoing pain and attachment fears.
  • Step 5: The injuring partner expresses shame and remorse for their actions.
  • Step 6: The injured partner asks for their attachment needs to be met.
  • Step 7: The injuring partner responds to those needs, creating a safe environment.
Source:Clinical Handbook of Couple Therapy· Gottman Couple Therapy· p. 147–163

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Clinical Handbook of Couple Therapy

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